They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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