dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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