whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
