Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
