"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i've created a new STD.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
