So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
