How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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