Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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