I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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