i'm signing you up for texting rehab
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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