toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
