my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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