TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
