Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
