Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
