i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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