Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
