If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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