yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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