I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
