No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
