you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
