New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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