it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
