The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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