and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We got so high we made milksteak
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
