If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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