you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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