i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
