I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pants are for mortals
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
