just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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