Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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