Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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