I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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