So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
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