Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
