It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
