She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
