how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
