she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
