why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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