dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
