he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
