The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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