can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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