I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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