i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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