I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Best friends brother. Beat that.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
40s are totally the cure
third nipple confirmed
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
