he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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