you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
