IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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