I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
