he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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