New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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